Tuesday, March 6, 2012

High School Musical 3

The third and final installment of Disney's High School Musical franchise and the topic for my second review.

                                             Third and Final.

This movie appears to be about the angst of the main students as their senior year ends and they race toward graduation. Also, Basketball. It opens with a shot of Zac Efron's sweaty face screaming "Let's go!" and then it turns out it's just a basketball game instead of something you'd actually watch. It shows that the creatively named West High is beating the protagonist school, East High. The East High team goes into the locker room, where the coach gives them a speech on the fact that they have 16 minutes left in the game, as though basketball was important. Also, after extensive googling, I have found that no basketball game does that. The East high students then race out into the court again, singing about having sixteen minutes left in the game. After Troy is shoved off the court by a west high player, the coach brings them in for a huddle. Troy suggests putting Rocket Man, the hipster who has a thinly veiled gay crush on Troy, into the game. The coach justifiably thinks that's a dumb idea. However, in the end, Rocket man scores the final goal.

     But he first stares at the ball Troy threw to him.

They then all go to a party at Troy's house. Because all these kids do is basketball and party. Troy see many of his friends at the party, as well as the coach for the "Redhawks", the University of Albuquerque's basketball coach. After talking to this man with Chad, Troy encounters Gabriella, who asks for "One of everything" When he asks if he can get her anything. He responds with a stupid joke about celebrating. In a deleted scene which they probably took out because people like me would make fun of it, he gets her "One of everything" before letting her climb the tree ladder first. And she was wearing a dress. Do the math on that one. They talk about how they wish that the year would just "Slow down" because they're going to different colleges. And then they sing. Because that's the only way to express yourself in this world. Oh yeah, and before that, Rocket Man jumps over to Troy and gets a picture of himself and Troy, before telling him he has a great room, and that he took pictures to style his own room accordingly.

"Great. Now can I get one where we're making out? It would be funny because we're totally not gay."

It then returns to East High, where Sharpay (Who the hell names their kid Sharpay?) Drives up in a pink car with the vanity plate reading"Fabulous". Seriously. She then walks into the school, where everybody is unrealistically noticing her as she walks through the halls. She then walks up to her also unrealistic pink double locker. Then Tiara (Seriously, Disney?), a likable British girl walks up to her, having noticed Sharpay's request for a personal assistant. Sharpay then explains that with all the things poor people do themselves for high school, she needs somebody to  track her "appointments and assignments". Tiara then responds by organizing her locker properly according to block order. Not that you'd need books lined up IN A ROW to be in any sort of order to be in any sort of order to begin with. Sharpay justifiably responds by asking how she knows what classes she takes, and Tiara explains that she looked up Sharpay's personal schedule. She then gives Sharpay her "Non-fat, no foam soy latte" Whatever the hell that is. Sharpay immediately warms up to this girl, and tells her to plan ahead so their outfits match. And to get rid of any orange clothes she owns. Seriously. It then cuts to Troy going to Homeroom before being stopped by Rocket Man asking about taking his locker next year because it would "really help him with the guys".

                  "Also, can I get some of your old gym shorts? Don't wash them, you'll kill the magic."

The bell then Rings, and Rocket Man runs off with a cry of "Tardy again!" but he's stopped by a teacher, who he ignores to check Sharpay out. Because Disney is a FAMILY network. In Homeroom, Taylor explains to the class that there was Prom and Grad coming soon, and the prom is called "The Last Dance." She then wittily adds "But don't be the LAST to pick up your tickets." Because it's the last dance. She also explains that there was the play coming up, and the Drama/homeroom/everything teacher, Miss Darbis, explains what it's about. Kelsi, the least dysfunctional and only truly likable character in this movie, then writes down the names of everybody in their homeroom to prevent Sharpay from dominating the play. Seriously. Everybody objects, but when they go to the theater room, Gabriella explains that they should listen to Kelsi, in one of the few good decisions displayed in this movie. Darbis then tells them that the play is about "Senior Year" and graduation and such. Troy raises his hand to speak but is ignored for the first time in the movie. 
                                    "Yes, Tardy indeed, Rocket Man."

 After they all say what they think, Darbis explains that "Julliard" school of theater is offering a scholarship to Troy, Kelsi, Ryan, or Sharpay. Chad unrealistically laughs at it, and Troy mentions that he's never even heard of "Julliard". Now should be a good time to mention how many times blogger has told me I've put in typos. Darbis then asks them all what they predict for their futures. Taylor anticipates being president of the US. Chad says "U of A. Hoops all the way." That rhyme was a creative and comical as this sentence was sarcastic. When asked what his future is, Troy freezes up. Gabriella saves him by saying they should "Stage the perfect prom". Nobody questions that. Martha then shows up with a host of backup dancers out of nowhere, and Darbis says she "Feels a show coming on already". 
     However, they dance to a tragic lack of En Vogue.
Ryan and Sharpay then talk in the cafeteria. Ryan says he doesn't suspect Troy, but Sharpay totally does. She says all performers are "Deceitful, ruthless, ambitious." Now as an internet performer, I can tell you that's crap. Ryan just sits and questions her with his eyes. She then goes into a song sequence about "wanting it all". Afterwards, Ryan points out that there is only one scholarship. Sharpay says they would have to take both twins. Did I mention Ryan is her twin brother? We then see Gabriella and Taylor get off the bus, before Gabriella receives a text telling her to come to the roof. On the roof, Troy asks her to the prom in a witty and romantic way. I'd tell you, but I'd rather leave this unruined.[Sarcasm] He then reveals that he can't dance, which is believable as he also said he needs her help to choose a good tuxedo before saying he wants to look good for her. They then sing and dance about how they love each other. It then conveniently starts raining while somehow remaining sunny. He asks her if that means yes, and she responds "in every language" before saying yes in 5. Which is impressive considering East High's intelligence standards. We then see Rocket man and his friend go to their gym lockers to find them empty. Chad and Troy show up holding their clothes. When Rocket man dares ask for the combination, Chad reminds them that they had to earn their lockers. Chad and Troy then run off with their clothes, making them run through the school in nothing but towels. When they reach the drama department, Gabriella and Taylor totally disregard these people's dignity and photograph this for the yearbook. 
I couldn't find an amusing yearbook cover to edit, so here's this thing.

Seriously. Darbis then states that while theater is to allow people to discover themselves, they must do so whilst clothed. She then gives all four of them detention. It cuts to some print room, where the group is working on some sort of computer project. Chad drops a plate of brownies on Taylor's desk, saying he stole them from Zeke. He then asks Taylor about some tuxedos. When she asks why and he responds "For prom" She turns him down saying that if that's what he calls an invitation, he'd be dancing with himself, to the simultaneous cries of "Oh SNAP" of everybody watching ever. Even Troy and Gabriella laugh at him. 
                    Kind of like this.
It cuts to the cafeteria as the bell rings, with Rocket man saying "Yo, Yo, Yo, it's lunchtime!" Before Chad and Troy approach where Taylor and the other girls are sitting, and Chad attempts to ask Taylor to prom. Taylor continually talks about unrelated things, and saying she can't hear him. Troy then screams "YO" at everybody, and they all shut up, which no real high school would do. Chad finally asks Taylor to prom, and she says yes. Chad then leaves to "Shoot some hoops or something" and Troy then boorishly- crap, best part. Shut up. They go to the stage and epically perform a song about prom being the night to remember. It goes on, and somehow manages to be the only legitimately good song in all of High School Musical. Afterwards, Sharpay talks to Ryan about how Kelsi is probably writing something "amazing"for Troy and Gabriella. He responds that it is most likely a song. I'd tell you, but spoilers. Sharpay tells him to just get it. Ryan then walks into the music room where Kelsi is working on a song for Troy and Gabriella. Ryan just takes a cup of tea that she has sitting on the piano and sits down. Who the hell just takes somebody's tea? Seriously, it's just inconsiderate. 
           "What the hell is wrong with you? I wanted that tea!"

He then asks her what she's doing for prom, and she replies that she still needs to write lyrics 2 days before the show. 2. Days. He then says he'll pick her up at 8, and they sing the song together before it cuts to Troy and Gabriella singing it. As Troy climbs onto stage while singing, you can clearly see rocket man watching him to the point where Darbis has to smack him to make him start painting the set again. Troy then gets paint on his hands and attempts to get it on Gabriella, who puts some on his neck. He then runs and swings her around. If you honestly relate to their relationship, just go ahead and call the cops on your house right now. Oh yeah, and Chad shows up in this weird clown suit and Ryan laughs at him. Seriously.
 Beware the wrath of the clowns, for you have awakened it.

Afterwards, Ryan states that he pities the actor to follow Troy and Gabriella, and it turns out to be him. Sharpay then makes him come over, where they plot to destroy Troy and Gabriella, and when Ryan states that he's taking Kelsi to prom, she says "Keep your friends close and your enemies closer." I'm as lost as you. Troy and Chad then go to a junkyard in an attempt to find a new radiator cap for Troy's truck. The creepy biker guy who owns the yard states that he's so exited to see them in redhawk uniform, he already bought season tickets. He has to leave early, so he leaves the yard in Troy and Chad's presumably irresponsible hands. They find a new radiator cap, but feel the need to discuss how they came to this yard as kids, and how they grew up. Cue obligatory song sequence. It's a bit more creepy than usual. I'll leave it to your imagination. Something about the boys being back. At one point they turn into actual boys! Chad then asks what Troy will do if Julliard says yes, and Troy says he doesn't know. Chad then says he's getting Troy back in the gym the next day, and Troy asks if it's "so he can whup his butt again."
                     Because we're all SO terrified of basketball against Troy.

Gabriella and Taylor discuss the future, and Gabriella insinuates that she wants to stay in Albuquerque with Troy, and go to genius school next year. Taylor then has an isolated incident of being reasonable, pointing out that Gabriella isn't thinking straight. Gabriella's mom shows up, and Taylor leaves the house. After a heart-to-heart talk with her mother about how you need to grow up and accept disappointment, we see Troy's family and Chad's family being friends and having dinner together about Troy and Chad being Redhawks. They then say "Road Trip!" Because one of their games is somewhere far out. I'm not paying much attention. Troy then goes out back, and sings a "sad" reprise of that treehouse song from earlier, about being separated. Hey, spellcheck just pointed out that Julliard is a real place! It cuts to Troy walking to his locker, to be shocked by Sharpay appearing out of nowhere to tell him about Gabriella's genius school thing, as part of her "devious"plan to break Troy and Gabriella up, somehow. Sharpay promises to see him at rehearsal. Troy then goes to Gabriella's house in the middle of the night with a pizza and a picnic basket. Because that's what teenagers do in the middle of the night.  They then share a chocolate covered strawberry, and Troy confronts her about genius school. 
        "Seriously, What have you been smoking?"
She then points out that she doesn't want to go because she's "run out of good-byes" Even Troy points out how stupid she's being. The rest is a lovey talk, that ends with Troy pointing out that all she'll miss is the show.Then she touches his hair, and tells him good-night. He leaves, finds that his car crapped out, and walks home, unmugged. Gabriella then has a song about "Walking away" and something about good-byes, and... Dying, I think. Also, scenery disappears, leaving the house empty. Perhaps burglars followed Troy's example on getting into her house. We then see the auditorium, where Darbis puts Sharpay in Gabriella's spot, and Tiara in Sharpay's. Unnecessary step, yes, but plot-necessary. Apparently. Sharpay says to "Pull together and do it for Gabriella" At night, Troy is in his house, where he takes a cookie and talks to his dad. His dad brings up Gabriella, and Troy points out that she's "knee-deep in geniuses" at what apparently is Stanford. Troy's dad then reveals that He knows about Julliard, and that "All Troy talked about was wearing that Redhawks uniform" when h was a kid. Troy then unnecessarily rages at his dad about making his own choices, and storms off in his un-crapped truck to the school, in the middle of the night. Apparently the school is unlocked, because he gets in, changes into is wildcat uniform, and angsts about choosing basketball or theater. In song, of course. Also, there's this giant tapestry of him playing basketball, and He tears it down. After rage-dancing his way into the theater, Darbis shows up, and, rather than suspending him, explains that She sent his application to Julliard. 
                 Miss Darbis, apparently.
Because apparently you can do that in this universe. She also explains that she's there because she's trying to put the show together with Sharpay replacing Gabriella. Also, some bullcrap about "self-discovery". He then points out that he's so confused by the choice, and She points out that Theater is a way to "discover yourself" She leaves, telling him to turn out the lights. We then see Troy rehearsing with Sharpay after Ryan teaches him the moves, and a set piece falls down. Troy tells Ryan that he's easier to dance with than Sharpay. Kelsi then calls him down, telling him that the show must go on or something. Gabriella is seen biking to Stanford, and Troy shows his mom his prom tux. Gabriella calls, telling him that she needs to grow up, and she can't handle going back to East High "just to say good-bye again." Troy tells Chad she isn't coming back, and Chad just asks if she'll miss prom. When Troy tells him the obvious truth, he gives an inspiring speech about how "you don't take the girl with you" And that he needs to let Gabriella go, and have a prom. Gabriella walks across campus to find Troy's un-crapped truck, and Troy jumps out of a tree to greet her. When she asks what's with him and trees, he says he "likes the view". They then have a reprise of that roof-top song, and have a weird sort of LSD thing where they're at prom, with bright lights.
 Like this, but Boring. And not worthy to be called music.
oh, and they kiss after snapping out of it. They then walk across campus, and Troy says how much she changed East High. As in, he got more friends. Cut to Sharpay talking to her parents on a cellphone whilst doing stretches. Rocket Man then tries to attract her with his cologne called "Babe Magnet" after being name Rocket Man somehow fails. Troy then texts him, telling him to go onstage for him. Rocket Man freezes up, and the play begins with  duet between Ryan and Kelsi. However, just as it begins to look sweet, it becomes a reprise of that sweaty beginning song. Seriously. When Rocket Man's black friend shows up to tell Sharpay about Rocket Man replacing Troy, she tells him to shut up and send Troy up to rehearse the kissing. After he leaves, we see Ryan doing a creepy reprise of that song about wanting everything. Sharpay then tells the director to "not forget the special", and She tells Ryan he has cute pants. After going on she sings, and Rocket man gives himself a mirror pep-talk. After he fails to show, Sharpay crashes and burns. Rocket Man does save the day, however, in a ridiculous outfit. He also drives her to the edge of the balcony with his musical advances. Looks like he reached a crescendo, alright!
                                   What the hell is wrong with you? Call the cops!
Troy and Gabriella show up to save the day, and Sharpay is foiled again. She then goes to see Tiara had taken the role she was supposed to take, and Sharpay is crushed. Troy and Gabriella have their duet, although I'm not certain how the intermission worked. The entire cast runs on, and there are hugs and such all around. 
Also, the crowd stands and claps along. Just when you think that this is the finale of this movie, We see there is still Sharpay's act. She then goes onstage as Tiara performs a reprise of the worst part of the prom number, taking back her throne. Ryan presses a button lowering them into the stage. Everybody laughs. We then see the cast singing that togetherness song in their graduation robes. 
"I only chose Berkly to spite my dad. I don't actually care about you."

Kelsi wins the Juliard scholarship. Jason graduates. Taylor goes to Yale on Political Science. Ryan is awarded a Juliard scholarship for being great, apparently. Sharpay goes to U of A. Darbis calls out Troy on his decision, and he decides to do both Theater and Basketball at Berkley. He then reveals that, 37.5 miles away, Sharpay was a Stanford, a rival school to Berkley. When Chad is called, we see that he fled to the gym to shoot hoops, and he asks if Berkley plays, and Troy reveals that they're "Scheduled to kick some Redhawk butt" in November. Troy's dad tells them to get on stage. Troy is then seen making a valedictorian speech, on the field. He calls back to earlier in the series, and alludes to his relationship with Gabriella. Because nobody knew about it. After saying "once a wildcat, always a wildcat", they have a final song sequence about "holding onto your High School musical" We then see The six main characters (but not Kelsi) in front of a closed Curtain, with closeups of their faces, for no reason. Literally none.

Peter Chang Diagnosis:
Don't buy this movie. I watched it to make fun of it, and I have to cope with it cluttering up my DVD shelf. It will ruin your children. At least the title is literal.
I'm Peter Chang, saying High School is nothing like this.

-If you'd like to suggest a movie for next review, let me know in the comments. 

Saturday, December 31, 2011

Hot Rod

   Hot Rod Is a 2007 film about a boy named Rod who tries to be a stuntman and fails hilariously. It's like Napoleon Dynamite, Except about stunts. It begins with Rod attempting to jump a postal truck, and crashing, despite having harnessed the spirit of the eagle, because his crew didn't have time to reinforce the take-off ramp. Rod appears to be indestructible as well, seeing as he survives said crash with a bit of vomit.

                       Time after crash: 1 minute 30 seconds

After biking through the town to Europe's Danger on the Prowl and informing a bunch of kids that he was jumping the pool, He then appears at a restaurant with his crew, guessing jellybean flavours. Get used to this utter lack of logic. The waitress requests "Voltron" which was the name of a super badass TV series, as noted by Dave,  the team "Mechanic", as his reason for ordering their food with that name. Rico, the ramp constructor, returns from "Dropping some dumpage" with the reply "Yoo-hoo shitheads" before adding that he found a bag of fireworks in the men's room. He lights them off in broad daylight near a crowded highway, to a stunning lack of explosion. I'm as lost as you at this point. Anyway, Rod then returns home, after riding his moped shouting "Jumping the pool tomorrow!", to his mother, played by Sissy Spacek. Which doesn't make sense, if you consider Spacek's high school years.

Rod then asks her where his hip pads are, and she flatly responds that they're in the kitchen, making you wonder how long he's been doing what I'm about to describe for. He goes downstairs to where his stepfather Frank is, and yells his name, prompting frank to throw the medicine ball he was lifting at Rod, before flipping him onto the floor and telling him never to sneak up on a man who'd been in a chemical fire.  He then gives Rod a Rhodesian fighting stick, describing them as "Very, Very,... Lethal." Rod examines his murmuring "Of course, Rhodesian." before Frank hits his leg. Rod charges at Frank with his pointed forward like a lance, and falls onto a couch after being hit again. He claims to have given up, prompting Frank to stop hitting him with the stick and turn away. Rod then jumps on his back, and we see Sissy Spacek upstairs reading quietly while you can hear Rod cry "No Frank, no!" with smashing noises in the background. It cuts back to the fight, with Rod being thrown into a wall, and then attempting his "Ultimate Punch" on Frank, which involves shoving your foot into your opponents chest and swinging wildly. In his defense, that move probably would have been really badass if Frank hadn't grabbed his foot and flipped him down again. Rod promises Frank that he would one day punch him right in the face. This kicks off the closest thing to a plot this movie has. He then hilariously rips off Rod's fake mustache and puts it on his forehead, telling him to take out the trash. The movie cuts to night, with Rod awesomely jumping the trash can and shoving the bag in at the same time, landing in the bushes. We then hear Denise's voice, prompting a scene that I somehow recognized.
                                   I think it was Fantastic Four...

She and Rod have a weirdly familiar conversation, and she asks if He's still doing his stunts. He says yes, and that she could, in fact, "Peep the strategy", handing her an ad for his pool jump. as she walks inside after telling him it was nice to see him, he said "You look pretty." when she asks what he said, he says "Um, I said you look shitty. Good night Denise."

                            Feel free to print this off and use it, by the way.       

Rod then goes up to his room, and takes a picture of his father out from under his pillow, giving a heartfelt spiel about his dad living on through him, before poetically tearing up, choking out "I miss you, daddy." Before his step brother Kevin walks in saying "Hey Rod...", to which Rod responds by yelling get out. We then see Rod's crew getting the people out of the pool for the aforementioned jump. Dave informs Richardson to get out of the pool, and that he's being a tool. Richardson responds that there is no tool in that pool, and that he'd happily get out for membership in the crew. When Dave states that Richardson can't join because he doesn't do anything, Richardson proves him wrong in a great display of greatly useful talent.

                     Think of all the practical applications!

As Rod prepares to do the jump, Denise shows up, asking if she can help. Rod responds that his crew has it covered, and Rico shoves a kid into the pool, telling him to stop something. Rod rides up to the ramp, harnessing the spirit of the fox. He rides down the ramp, majestically soaring through the air.

Rod then returns home, claiming to have landed the jump, to find his step father lying on the couch, and his mother explains that Frank's heart was dying and their insurance wouldn't cover the surgery. Also, this had been going on for 21 years, and they told Kevin but they didn't think Rod could handle it. Rod then shoves Kevin away from Frank, and gives a truly poetic speech on how Frank can't die, because Rod still needed to kick his ass. Frank says that Rod should've thought of that before he sucked at being a man all his life. Rod then poe- you know what? He just says "I hate you so much I just want to smash your face in!" He then asks Frank if there was a way to pay for the $50,000 surgery. Frank responds by sarcastically asking if Rod would and then calling him a kid. Rod then promises that he would get Frank better and the beat him to death. He then smashes a vase after Frank says he couldn't beat a drum. Rod screams that he needed to go to his quiet place, before smashing more vases on his way out. He then rides his moped into a forest, and "punch dances" out his rage to "Never" From Footloose. He then falls down an improbably high hill in the middle of a flip, landing dirty but unharmed in a ditch by a road, and sees inspiration in the form of this:

   I couldn't find a picture of the sign, so here's back to the future instead.

He returns to his backyard to Rico giving rapid, hard High-fives to Kevin and Dave, explaining that THAT is how it's done. Rod explains that Frank is on his deathbed, and that after suffering the long and painful fall, he realized that he needed to make one big jump. He reveals his plan to jump 15 buses to raise the money to save Frank's life. When Rico says that's nearly as many as Evel Knievel jumped, Rod specifies that it's one more than he jumped. He checked. Online. Which, after extensive googling, I have found to be true.

                           Both statements.

 Dave then remembers that he is late for work at thee ice rink, and so Rod explains what they need to do while Dave does various jobs such  as driving a zambini and handing out skates. The crew is then seen helping a homeless man raid the dumpster. After finishing his spiel, Rod asks who's with him. The crew and everybody watching raises their hands, and the celebrate with the wildest party ever.


Rod then shines a light in Denise's face while she plays with her dog, and then stands in his garage under the presumably explainable pretense of smashing a car engine with a hammer. He then offers to let her join the crew, and she says yes. He then turns and says she can't just waltz in off the street and demand to be in her crew. He puts her through what he describes as "The craziest thing you can imagine" for initiation. In all fairness, it's pretty hard having a Slush Puppy dumped on your feet. We then see Kevin sliding with those shoes that have wheels in the heels as Rico explains to Dave a dream he had. I'll let you decide what it was. Rod then tries to introduce the crew to Denise, but it devolves into an argument about who in the crew parties. Rod tells them to shut up, and tells Denise what they do in the crew, and that none of them party. He then says "let's party". Rico and Dave then fill a pool, and Rico questions having a girl in the crew. Dave recites an "Ancient Italian maxim" and Rico sprays him in the face for telling him how to live his life. Rod shows up, channels the spirit of the bottlenose dolphin, and explains that this is an exercise in lung strengthening. Rico sand Dave hold him underwater for 40 whole seconds, and afterwards Denise has to give him mouth to mouth to save him. Rod asks Kevin if it looked like they were making out.

                         "Well, you were face down in the pool."

Rod then walks to the top of a high hill with a skateboard with skis attached, for G-force training. He the rolls down a hill out of control, eventually crashing into a guy's trailer. The guy comes out, angry, and Rico beats the crap out of him, stealing his hat, saying "This is my hat now. This is totally my hat." The crew is then at a corner store, dancig to Two of Hearts while Rico keeps shoving Kevin into the van. Rod is then about to ask Denise out, but Kevin interrupts by asking which song is the one about the grandma being run over by a reindeer. When Kevin goes away, Rod tries again, but then Denise's boyfriend, played by Will Arnett shows up. Will Arnett, people!

                                         Will Arnett, people!

Before laving, Denise asks Rod who would win in a fight between a grilled cheese sandwich and a taco. Her answer was that the Grilled Cheese would win in a normal fight, but "Prison Rules" the taco would win. Rod points out the racism.

After even more extensive googling, I found Denise was right.

Rod then does pushups in his living room while telling Kevin that Corvettes are overrated. Sissy Spacek then informs them that Frank was feeling well enough to sit at the table with them, and that they couldn't fight. Rod says he won't, but Frank promptly gets him to snap, screaming "You're the devil!" Sissy Spacek tells him to go outside, and he responds that she could have fun being married to SATAN! The next day, Rod is hit by a van while wearing pillows duct taped to his body. He then drinks a pop while talking to Denise about Jonathon, and saying they should break up. Dave tells them that the bathroom there is nuts. Rod goes up to pay for their food, and asks the cashier out. She says yes.Rod replies to Kevin's surprise with the inspiration "You must only believe if you wish to achieve." He then asks Denise to "Grab that brainy beau of yours and make it a double date." She says yes. As for what happens next, try to decipher the subtle cues in Rod's song as he bikes:
 Ooooh, when you're going on a date, you put on a shirt, then you ride your bike to the da-a-ate!
It turns out Cathy stood him up, leaving him with Denise and Will freaking Arnett, people!

                                                    Will Arnett!

The waitress asks about their drinks, and Will Arnett orders three flaming Dr. Peppers. He then sees his friend Sullivan, and goes to "Say what up" to him. He shouts "Sullivan, you chode! I owe you a shot to the nuts!" Rod then shows Denise a picture of his "Super dead" dad, and tells the graphic story of his death in an accident jumping 10 milk trucks.The next day, Rod announces phase 2 of his plan to save Frank, Operation Fiscal Jackhammer. it is shown in a montage set to Europe's awesome song, Rock the Night. At the end of it, Rod sits atop a tower, singing for a man's birthday. It ends, as only this movie could do, with this:

Rod gets his pay, though. Rod and Denise then do Tai Chi by a lake, and he asks if there was a move that could mak a grown man crap his pants and not know why. She claims that he is not ready for it, but on his insistence, she shows it by using it on him. It works, even though he claims it didn't. Rod then does his laundry with no pants on, singing a song about it. He then sees Kevin's work on a film about the stunts. Rod and Kevin decide to show it in an auditorium to raise money. The crew and Richardson hand out fliers, and we're treated to Richardson throwing fliers at people and doing his funny little dance. Rod tells Frank about the plan, and Frank makes fun of him. Sissy Spacek says it's nice to see him smile again, to which Rod replies that it won' make Franks smile when he murders him.We then see the auditorium, with Dave talking to some girls about his various responsibilities in the crew. The movie then starts, set to Europe's slightly less awesome Danger on the Prowl. It starts out cool, but the audience begins laughing as it gets more and more ridiculous. Rod then throws the projector out the window, and loses the money to fund the jump to pay the damages.He then gets into a fight with Kevin over the video. Rod returns home, and Sissy Spacek informs him that his father didn't actually died in a stunt, he choked to death in a pie eating contest. Rod decides that if his father wasn't a stuntman, neither was he. He then goes up to his room and rips his posters and stomps his cape. The next day, he is confronted by his crew about it.  Rico asks what happened to "Live as a team ,die as a team", and Rod states that there is no such thing as a team, we live and die alone. Dave starts crying, and Denise says that he's always stayed the same when nobody else did. He explains that he is no longer "Legit" and tells her to stay sweet before being hit by the same van as earlier. 

                        This van.

That night, Rod is called by Dave, who asks him to take him to the hospital. When Dave gets into the car, we see a piece of metal lodged next to his eye. We find out he work a Skate sharpener on acid. He then gives Rod a speech about not letting what his dad was control what he is. He then leaves with "Take it easy, mountain face!" and winds up fighting a nurse. Kevin is then singing Karaoke to his stuffed animals, and Rod shows up. The two of them reconcile over the 2 words "Cool Beans." Kevin then explains that he posted the stunt video online, and that KNER, an AM radio station called to sponsor the jump. We then see the Ramps and stands being constructed to Europe's  Cherokee. The AM radio head, Mr. Pasternack, talks about how people listen more to FM radio and color TV nowadays. He then shows a tatoo on his torso that "Fully illustrates" his point.  It's of a boy urinating on a color TV and an FM radio. 

"Oh, I get it. It's funnier than the movie Shorts, and it's better written!"

Rod attempts to call Denise, but Will Arnett answers and tells her it's a wrong number. Rod returns home, and tells Frank about the plan to save his life. Frank says he'll get himself killed, and Rod says he'd rather die than live in a world where he couldn't kick Frank's ass. The next day, Rod and the crew walk down to the jump, and a crowd follows, singing You're the Voice. Somebody throws a trash can through a window, and a riot ensues. Rod and crew get out OK, and Rico steals a TV. The crew shows up to the jump, and a TV reporter informs Sissy Spacek of KNER's broadcasting rights. Rod signs"I hate Frank" to kids' notepads. Denise hears about the jump on the radio, and tells Will Arnett, who tells her she's embarrassing herself. She runs away to be with Rod. The crew gives Rod a new suit, a motorcycle, and Rico reveals that he rigged the jump with fireworks. Rod promises over the radio that "He'll get you better, Frank you old sack of shit. And then I will uncork the ass-beating of a lifetime on you!" He then rides the motorcycle around, before pausing for a second. Denise shows up, and Rod tells her that he's afraid to do the jump, and she kisses him. Pasternack then says that he's "Not saying that kiss was hot, but if the boner police are there, he demands a lawyer."  Dave asks why Rod is kissing his sister, and says that finding out she's not his sister "Shatters his universe." Rod does the jump, the fireworks go off, and in slow motion, he gives a thumbs up to the crew, and he's completely off the motorcycle. He makes it all the way over the buses, but rolls and crashes while the motorcycle hits a booth and explodes. Rod goes to a pure white place, and sees this:

                                           The taco wins.
Rod reveals that to Denise when she and Kevin wake him up. Rod says that "Life is pain and we have to scrape the joy out of it every chance we get." They then walk him up to the top of the ramp, and we see that he raised the $50,000 for "Frank's conveniently priced surgery." Ebenezer Scrooge shows up in one of the buses with a cooked goose. Afterwards, Rod puts in a Europe CD, and after a long, hard fight, He finally succeeds in kicking Frank's ass. And using the "Crap yourself" move on him.

                   And that's how it ends.

Peter Chang Diagnosis:
This is a great movie. It's been a personal favorite of mine for a few years, and it's comedy couldn't be properly contained in this review. I recommend this movie for anybody looking for some quick laughs.
I'm Peter Chang, saying Happy New Years.

-If you would like to suggest a movie for next review, let me know in the comments. 

Thursday, December 29, 2011

This Blog

I was sitting and watching The Big Bang Theory, (Great show), and I picked up my laptop to check my email. I decided to change my google search background image, when I noticed that my blog was still active. I logged on and checked out my posts, which had  been posted in August 2010. I couldn't believe it. The posts were just SO BAD. I deleted a few of them, but others I kept because they amused me. It was hard to believe I could have actually been serious about them. Like that commercial one; Get over it! Anyway, I'll try to make this blog as humorous as possible.

Thursday, August 12, 2010

Our Wierd World

Today I was sitting and watching "The matrix" and I began to wonder: How do we know that this world is real? Is it not possible, or indeed probable that our world is a simulated reality? Like, really. It's possible that we're all scrunched up in pods, being held captive for whatever reason by aliens or machines, or even other humans! Our whole world is potentially some computer program, designed to prevent us from doing anything about our captivity. It's possible that the computer you're sitting at, the chair you're sitting on, the keyboard I typed this post with, are just lines and lines of code written just to keep us inert and motionless in our pods. So think about it: is your house, your computer, your job/school, even real? Or is it just a big simulation? Think of it any way you want.